Looking Back
by LostInKaos
Summary: Years after her friends’ departures from this world, Maureen walks the cemetery and remembers a story she left behind. Companion piece to Will I Wake Tomorrow. Recommended to read first, but not necessary.


A/N: I wrote this a while ago as a companion piece to my story "Will I Wake Tomorrow", I just never posted it. I always wanted to put this at the end of the story, but it just didn't fit, so I wrote it as a seperate little thing. It will make more sense if you've read WIWT, but you don't have to. It works as a stand alone piece, but you'll understand the depth of it more if you've read the original story. I do plan on going back through WIWT to do some massive editing. I just haven't found time to do so with band camp and college starting again. Enough of this pointless rambling... just let me know what you think.

**Looking Back**

If you would have asked Maureen Johnson twenty-one years ago to tell you what her life would have been like now, you would not have received the same answer. If you would have told Maureen Johnson twenty-one years ago that she would be walking through a cemetery today remembering all of her lost friends, she wouldn't have believed you. Unfortunately, that's were we find her today.

Today, if you are wondering, is December 24, 2010. Twenty-one years ago she was getting ready for her performance at the lot. Twenty-one years ago, the people she is visiting today were alive.

Now, you must understand, Maureen has never been an overly emotional one. Yes, she did cry when times were sad, and of course she was happy any other time, but being a drama queen didn't make her overly emotional. Maureen was always fairly good at keeping her emotions under check regardless of the situation. However, today, she no longer could. Emotions and feelings that should have been released years ago were finally coming out.

Maureen Johnson, age 43, walked through the cast iron gates of Hill Cemetery. She hadn't been here is over six years. Even now she couldn't tell you why she decided to come back, but after twenty-one years since the beginning of the downfall, she felt compelled to return.

The downfall, if you are wondering, was when a certain angel walked into their lives. This angel, better known as Angel Dumott Schunard, had 'beat' her way into Tom Collins' life. _December 24__th__, 9pm Eastern Standard Time_. That moment in time marked the start of the next phase of her life, and now Maureen knew she had to put that part of her life to rest.

Maureen reached the gravestone of Angel Dumott Schunard and could feel the tears start to well up in her eyes. Angel had been an amazing soul. She was so alive for someone in her condition, but then again, Angel lived by the saying "no day but today." She had taught them all to live that way, and up until a point, they all had.

When Angel had passed away, many of them had given up that saying. Angel was gone so why should they keep living with the saying? If someone like Angel could die, what would stop the rest of them from dying? So, many left. Roger ran away to Santa Fe. Mimi went missing. Maureen and Joanne had broken up. Collins was a mess, and Mark had hidden from the world. Maureen remembered when Mark had finally lost it. She had gone over to the loft to check on Mark. She knew in her heart that he wasn't okay. She remembered how he had been when Roger went through withdrawal. Mark had been a mess, but he refused to leave Roger. Maureen had arrived at the loft to find Mark passed out on the couch. That was the moment she realized that Mark would never been alright if Roger were to die. However, at this time, she wasn't aware of the real reason behind Mark being passed out. The reason: his illness.

It was lucky that Roger had come back when he had. Mark started to bounce back from the slump he was in. Mimi was found shortly later. Joanne came back to Maureen with a story about not being able to live a boring life without Maureen to spice it up. Collins returned to the life he had once known before Angel had come into his life.

Unfortunately, Mimi didn't last much longer after that. She too eventually passed away. Maureen looked down upon the gravestone and allowed a few tears to spill from her eyes. Mimi had been so young. She was too young to be taken from the world she had finally started to love. Roger had sunk into depression. Collins went away to MIT. Joanna worked more than ever. Mark hid from the world yet again, and Maureen purposefully ignored the world, hoping it wasn't real.

Eventually Roger returned to the world and he and Mark grew closer. Then Mark grew ill. He grew so ill that it eventually claimed his life. When Mark had passed, a part of Roger had died as well. Roger was lucky to have Collins by his side afterwards. They shared a lot in the department of losing a loved one, and it helped them both.

Sadly time went on and with it went Collins. He did, however, have a smile on his face when he did pass. He was with Angel. Roger had smiled a sad smile when Tom Collins had passed away. Maureen remembered standing next to the once great rock star as they looked upon Collins' grave. He had been brave and strong up until the end. Roger had taken the passing fairly well. Maureen believed that he had finally accepted his fate and knew what would be waiting for him went it was his time.

True to her belief, it had happened that way. Roger had smiled his way out of this world. It was then that that part of Maureen Johnson's life had ended. A new chapter in her life began as Mark and Roger's story ended. However she hadn't fully finished the last chapter, and that's why she was here today.

Maureen walked farther through the cemetery until she noticed two young men in front of her. As she walked closer she realized who they were. She had last seen them sixteen years ago when they had been just five. Slowly she approached the two young men. One knelt on the ground in front of the gravestone, while the other stood behind him. As she approached them, she heard their conversation.

"…it's been sixteen years."

"Chris, it's not like we would have understood the whole story when we were five."

"But we didn't even know him. We must have seen him only a handful of times while he was alive."

"From what mom said, he never wanted to come home."

"She could have taken us to visit him."

"And from what she said, were he lived at the time was a mess and not suited for five year olds."

"Jake, what do you remember about him?"

"Just the conversation that dad had about love and knowing no boundaries. Chris, it's been years. You honestly think I remember much about a man I barely know? He died sixteen years ago. I doubt you remember anything about him."

"More than you do. It just makes me sad that we'll never get to know our uncle. Julie will never get to know our uncle because she wasn't even born before he died."

"Jake, I don't understand why you even wanted to come here."

"To learn"

By this time Maureen had figured she had listened on their conversation enough and it might be time to announce her presence. "Excuse me." She said walking up beside the boy standing. The boy on the ground quickly stood up and looked at her.

"Can we help you?" the standing boy asked.

"Are you, by chance, Jake and Chris Douglass?" Maureen asked

"Yeah. I'm Jake, this is Chris." The boy who was originally knelling said. "Who are you?"

"Maureen Johnson" she said looking down upon the stone Jake had just been kneeling in front of.

"What brings you here?" Chris asked following her gaze to the gravestone of his uncle.

"Memories" A few moments of silence passed as the twins regarded her while she looked upon the stone of her friend.

"Did you know him?" Jake asked. He realized it was a stupid question after he had said it. She must have known their uncle, or she wouldn't have known their name.

"Yes. I knew him very well. I miss him every year, just as I miss all the others." Maureen said looking up at them, tears in her eyes.

"Others?" Chris questioned.

"There were four other that have been laid to rest here. Each with a different story, but all involved each other's." Maureen said. Somewhere along the line she had grown up, but she wouldn't change it. The old Maureen was form the part of her life which only lived in memories and Mark's films. The new Maureen was able to face her life with a smile as long as the memories of the past were still with her.

"Will you tell us?" Jake asked.

Maureen regarded the young man before beginning her story. For the first time in years everyone was alive once again. Angel danced rhythmically and played upon the pickle tub with a new lust of life. Mimi's face glowed with energy and life as it never had before. Mark lived for the moment as he never had before; his eyes sparkling with life they hadn't seen in years. Collins' smile lit up the world with joy and happiness that only Collins could provide. Roger allowed himself to be taken away with the moment; the energetic man was a glow once more.

By the time she finished with her story tears were streaming down her face, but she could feel her friends surrounding her. She knew they were there and they were as alive as she had painted them in her story.

Chris's dampened mood had lifted as he heard the tale. Jake had a smile on his face as he listened. Their uncle was alive once again, and they both regretted never being able to know him. They both hated the fact that their younger sister would never know their uncle.

"They were the most amazing people you could ever meet." Maureen said as she looked upon the stone that indicated Mark's resting place.

"What do you think he would be doing now if he was alive?" Chris asked.

"He would never let their story die. He would probably still be living in the loft. Your uncle was an amazing man, and I am so glad to have been a part of his life." Maureen said.

"Thank you for the story." Jake said.

"You're welcome."

Jake and Chris left a little bit later. Their hearts full of stories that gave them a new outlook on life.

Maureen looked down upon the gravestone of her one time boyfriend and realized she had been all wrong for him. Mark had deserved so much better and he had found it in Roger. A smile appeared on her face knowing they were together, and would be forever.

"What are you smiling at?" a voice questioned as arms wrapped around her waist and a head rested on her shoulder.

"Them" she said. That was all that was needed for the person behind her to understand. Before them rested two gravestones:

Mark Anthony Cohen  
January 16, 1965 – November 2, 1993  
Beloved Friend and Soul Mate  
"Sometimes The Body Is Weaker Than The Soul"

Roger Allen Davis  
June 5, 1964 – August 8, 2004  
Beloved Friend and Soul Mate  
"The Heart Never Forgets It's True Love"

They had a long, troubled, sad story, but it ended happily for them.

"I heard the story you told. I think they would be proud of you."

"I hope so. I really do." Maureen said her eyes still fixed upon the gravestone. "Jo, do you ever think about what could have been?"

"I did once. I thought what would have happened had Angel not died, if Mimi was still alive, and had Mark not become sick. I soon realized it was a useless dream. I think the ending they received was better then they could have asked for." Joanne said as she held Maureen to her.

"What do you mean?"

"Angel wasn't a problem. It was the other two. If Mimi had lived, then Mark would have been alone. I think Mark deserved the love he received in the end. I loved Mimi, I did, but I don't think Mimi and Roger would have made it in the long run. I could have seen Mark and Roger growing old together, even as just friends. I could never see them apart. Now, they are together forever." Joanne said.

"I hope their happy."

"I don't doubt it."

The previous chapter of Maureen's life was finally complete. She was able to except her friends' passing and she could finally say good-bye. As she and Joanne walked out of the cemetery Maureen stopped to look back. If you were to ask her what she saw, she would have swore she saw the smiling faces of her five friends. But we will never know.


End file.
